The 5 Minute Field Guide to Understanding Women

In a coffee shop, in a whistle stop, in a panhandle far from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, I met a guy by the name of Dave Barnes.  We shared an electrical outlet for our Macs, and each pecked away for days with a few of the nods and grunts that pass for conversation between guys.

Eventually, we did talk.  Dave was working on his fourth book and I was getting high on my blog while keeping an eye on my book lest it run off with my muse.

Eventually, Dave gave me one of his books, The 5 Minute Field Guide to Understanding Women.  Available from Amazon.

108 pocket–size pages.  Pocket-size.  It is not for nothing he calls this a field guide.  He wants you to have it handy and refer to it when you need to.

Barnes places the responsibility of relationship enhancement squarely on the shoulders of men.  Women would do well to buy this book and read it for what they can learn about men.  Then leave the book where their boy friend will find it.

P. 21 “Women want a more fulfilling relationship, but may not want to take the first step.”

P 24. Men derive basic self-esteem from their job., women from their family.

P. 28 For women, security in a relationship is the ultimate goal, and she is fully invested in the emotional relationship.  It is the man’s job to make a woman feel special.

P. 31-35.  Barnes discusses the seven things that attract women.  Personal hygiene, Confidence, a Sense of humor, Decisiveness, Playfulness, Optimism, and Sensitivity.

P.36 Last, and perhaps least, Looks

P. 39-49.  How to approach a woman.   Mostly I agree with Dave’s tips.  Tip #6 is practice, as in rehearse.  When I was young, maybe I should have.  At some point you’ve written your own playbook, and you can read the defensive backfield well enough to change the play at the line of scrimmage.

P. 47-53.  Communicating with a woman.  Dave says no Zapping (Duh), Fight Fair, and Listen.  Men jump to solutions and can’t wait to get them out.  I’ve learned that just listening may be the solution.

P. 55-57.  The need for affection.  Dave tells us sincerely saying those three little words—you know which ones I mean—will get you more attention and intimacy than anything you can do or buy.

P. 59.  Small things make a difference.  Don’t overlook the small opportunities to make a big impression.  I’ve noticed foot massage rates pretty high—about even with emeralds.

P.63.  Say you’re sorry.  It’s about healing. No argument there, Dave.  Thanks for the good advice on how to do it and how not to do it.

P 71 Commences the sexuality part of the programs.  Dave includes a disclaimer that it may not be suitable for young children.  Depending on your background, you may give it an R rating.  I give it a PG-13.

P. 81.  Foreplay.  It is hard to improve on massage.

P. 85 Afterplay

P. 103 Surprise.

11 Responses to The 5 Minute Field Guide to Understanding Women

  1. Which one talks about a man’s “deep pockets”?

  2. karen wittgraf says:

    Dave has it right…about almost everything. A foot massage, hand massage, leg massage-totally sensuous, and playing, teasing, laughing are all actions that make a woman want to hold on to that guy.
    Sensitivity is the most essential attribute, right up there with sense of humor. Arrogance is a turn off and greed is, by far, most repulsive. It’s all about the soul, not the looks.
    Have I just described what a woman wants in a man or what a man wants in a woman? Six of one/half a dozen of the other!

  3. Karl says:

    Hi AL
    Just wanted to take a moment and wish you a Happy New Year.
    No friends like old friends.
    All the best, Karl

  4. David Bauer says:

    Good to have a Handbook to consult when in doubt. Looks a lot like the polular book Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus I think that Lloyd has identified an item that seems to be missing from the list.

  5. Vernon Dolphin says:

    Well Al, are you practicing what you recommend?

    give us chapter one as you take up the tips one by one.


  6. Dave L says:

    I think relationships are about sharing. Where’s that in the book? And why is it always about what women want? Don’t we get tired of throwing our coats in the puddle, wooing and cooing, opening the door (and I say that both literally and figuratively). How about meeting half way? Foreplay, afterplay, suprise … how about back to Venus. Barnes is a pussy!

    Ha …

    • allevenson says:


      Long ago I came to the realization that relationship are easy. Good manners and good boundaries will forestall most of the problems. Finding candidates for relationships in this age of social over-networking is also easy.

      The hard part is getting from ignition to liftoff. Understanding women seems like rocket science until you do, then it is rocket fuel.


  7. Young Sigmund Freud in 1882 said in a Letter to his fiancée Martha Bernays (27 June 1882); published in Letters of Sigmund Freud 1873-1939 (1961)
    Woe to you, my Princess, when I come… you shall see who is the stronger, a gentle girl who doesn’t eat enough or a big wild man who has cocaine in his body.

  8. Colleen Rae says:

    Dave B. indeed has it right. He seems to understand women better than most men. As for Dave L.- he needs to realize if he wants to keep the woman/women in his life content – it IS all about her/them! Go for it Dave Barnes, we all like PUSSY…

  9. AL PEDERSEN says:


  10. Pat Bean says:

    I just got down from climbing Enchanted Rock in Texas. I’d go for the foot massage right now. Cheers.

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